My name is Saw Klai Kaw. I lived in Htee Pah Doh Hta village, Doo Tha Htee Township, Pa-an District. When I was impregnated in my mother’s womb, the SPDC implemented its 4 Cuts policy. Villagers could not work for themselves and they did not have much to eat. When the Burma Army entered the village they caught the villagers’ chickens and pigs and when they saw male villagers aged fifteen and above they caught every one of them to use as porters. If porters could no longer carry heavy loads they were kicked, beaten and left by the roadside. If the Burman soldiers saw the rice barns with rice stored for a whole year they just burnt it down within a few hours. Villagers had to build camps for them. Villagers had to make spikes, dig trenches and surround it with logs. Every day villagers had to work for them and they did not have time to work for themselves. They did not pay the villagers and if they fled, the village elders had to pay a heavy price to the Burma Army.

As my mother was pregnant she stayed home and looked after the children. My father had to be a porter and carry loads for the Burman soldiers and sometimes he was away from home for months. Sometimes he was not fed well, and was sleepless and had no strength. Nevertheless he had to try hard to carry the loads, in constant fear. Therefore the villagers became ill and more people died. There was no medicine for the sick. Villagers could no longer tolerate it and more and more people fled to the deep jungle. Therefore my mother and father, together with some relatives, discussed the situation and fled secretly upstream. As my mother was pregnant she could not walk fast. We move from one place to another by day and by night deep into the jungle.

After walking for many days my mother had the labor pains and she could no longer walk. So my father built a small hut in the jungle. Other villagers also stopped and built makeshift huts and stayed there. The place was named So Kah Ray according to the name of the river. My father and elder brother each carried only one clothes or two and one blanket. It was so cold and with one blanket you could not sleep at night. Bonfires were made the whole night for warmth until day broke. During daytime we could sleep a few hours. I was born on December 7, 1980 and many people believed that I would not survive and they did not want me to live because I cried very loud and they were afraid that the Burman soldiers would hear. They cooked only at night because if they cooked in the daytime they were afraid that the smoke would be seen and their location would be discovered.

As time passed by there was less and less food and clothes. It was harder to find food too. Later we received information that the soldiers had become weaker so we went back to Htee Pah Doh Hta village. As the situation improved a little I started to go to school at the age of five. When I was seven my father was killed by the Burman soldiers. At that time my younger brother was born and he was only a few months old. Before my father died he told my mother that he would go to the border and sell his two buffaloes. He called a friend and both of them started their journey. At half way they were caught by Burman soldiers. The soldiers took the buffaloes and killed both of them. They did not even bother to bury them. They just left the bodies to get rotten.

My mother had small children and she could not work to earn a livelihood. She could not depend on other people either because everyone was in difficulties. At that time my uncle took care of me and sent me to school. My eldest brother at the time was fourteen and he could not earn a livelihood yet. They did not have enough clothing for the family. So my mother asked people to help them get to a refugee camp called Ka Htee Htah. Since they left I have not seen my mother, brothers and sisters and have not heard about them anymore.

I had the opportunity to learn while living with my uncle. But since I was in fourth grade I have never had enough books. I wrote on slate. My friends were also like me. Later my uncle bought me two books, a pencil, a Htei Koo (a piece of clothing) and a raincoat every year and I was very happy. He supported me in pursuing education and he did not ask me to work much because my health was not good. For my cousin he did not want to learn, so he had to accompany his father in the field to work every day. We were so poor and we had only one pair of sandals. Sometimes I wore them and sometimes my cousin. Sometimes we could eat meat, fish and frogs that my uncle hunted and caught. There were abundant animals and fish in the vicinity of our village.

Though I did not have many books to read I passed one grade after another every year. When I passed ninth grade my uncle had grown older and he could not work that much. He was not able to send me to school any more. It was also by chance that some people came and I heard about IDPs in Mae La refugee camp. I asked somebody to take me over there. At first I was not happy. I did not know many people. Every night I wept secretly for missing my uncle and my cousin. I missed my mother also and did not know where she was and have never heard about her. Later I became acquainted with more people. They were newcomers like me. Some even younger than me and they had not seen their parents. Sometimes I wanted to go back to my uncle but on the other hand I did not want to go back to a place where evil people are in control. I decided to work harder to pursue further education.

When school started I went to the Mission High School. There were more books and new languages to study. It was very hard because I had never learned this before. Besides my standard of learning before was low and therefore I could not catch up with my studies. I started in tenth grade and my teacher said that I had to take tutorial but I did not take it because I did not have money. Later in the year I received some help and I took tutorial for four months but then my money dried up. I stopped taking tutorial. Nevertheless I passed tenth grade by the end of the year. Subjects that I took tutorial in were English and Thai. In March 2002 there was the FSP exam (Further Studies Program) and because of many prayers I took the test and passed it. I therefore got into school. As I decided to continue pursuing education year after year I am in real need of support.